00:00:00.000 - 00:00:11.440

And my my full married theme is Jadi Santana. When? And I am a Dominican immigrant, 32 years old. I'm a therapist, I'm working on

00:00:11.440 - 00:00:20.740

my PhD in clinical psychology. We're working with children, adolescents, and families, Hispanic families who have immigrated.

00:00:20.740 - 00:00:32.500

I have three siblings or two siblings? I'm sorry, I'm one of three in my mom and my dad live in New York City as less well as my siblings.

00:00:34.630 - 00:00:44.180

Okay. What was your community? I grew up in two very different communities. The first 12 years of my life were

00:00:44.180 - 00:00:52.350

spent in the Dominican Republic. And I grew up in a very upper middle-class neighborhood, private school.

00:00:52.350 - 00:00:59.540

Everybody was the same. We're ready with Dominican. I live to three blocks from my grandmother in about four blocks from

00:00:59.540 - 00:01:05.870

my uncle and my cousins. And so it was a very close-knit community where you knew everybody and everybody lived

00:01:05.870 - 00:01:17.270

there all their lives. And then we moved to New York City, which was quite a drastic change. How the age of 12, it was January second in

00:01:17.270 - 00:01:26.780

1989 when my parents decided to bring us here in. That was the day that everything changed. I we moved into

00:01:26.780 - 00:01:33.870

the North Bronx and I was in junior high school, so it was very large school. A lot of people,

00:01:33.870 - 00:01:40.310

large classrooms, definitely something often used to, but very diverse. And so here a lot within my

00:01:40.310 - 00:01:45.350

grew up with only people who were just like me. People would ask me, Well, what a year and I'm like,

00:01:45.350 - 00:01:54.590

I'm a girl. What do you mean? What are my insula with it and I had to decide what or why was I was Dominican, fell like community was

00:01:54.590 - 00:02:03.670

very diverse in New York City. And I lived there until I went off to college. How did your identity developed

00:02:03.670 - 00:02:16.720

during my school years? That's a good question. When I was in elementary school. Number one thing was

00:02:16.720 - 00:02:22.510

or was not just the smallest, which I am a small woman, so I was a small little girl, but I was also very young

00:02:22.510 - 00:02:29.290

because I started school early. And so I was always the youngest child in the classroom. And in my identity

00:02:29.290 - 00:02:42.260

very much developed around Vin young. And also it's also almost everybody for your sister and but also about being very, having to leave sharp bright,

00:02:42.260 - 00:02:49.010

Show that I belong there. So byte entity definitely became that, which is prove yourself that you belong here and that you

00:02:49.010 - 00:02:57.000

can play the same game everybody else is playing and meet the standards. Nsa move to.

00:02:57.000 - 00:03:06.140

As I moved up degrades. It definitely became a source of pride for my parents that I was always staying up there and

00:03:06.140 - 00:03:14.450

tab on the top of the class. And I was able to help my siblings along. Even though there were just a shared bus. I was doing well in some identity

00:03:14.450 - 00:03:20.840

very much became around who I was as a student. And also how to be a good friend because it's difficult when

00:03:20.840 - 00:03:26.360

the youngest child in a classroom and keeping friends, everybody's moving on and doing things that I was in doing.

00:03:26.360 - 00:03:33.590

How do I keep people attached to me? I had to become very empathic and figure out what people liked so that I could be

00:03:33.590 - 00:03:39.770

their friend and they would want to be my friend. And then when I moved to New York City, that was another drastic change

00:03:39.770 - 00:03:46.190

because at that point was when my, what I would call my cultural awareness, my ethnic identity develop because I wasn't anything before,

00:03:46.190 - 00:03:57.740

I was just a girl. I was just jadi and then I had to decide what I was and we'll say Latino aside Dominican in New York City being Latino,

00:03:57.740 - 00:04:05.120

you say I'm not dinner Well, no. In my classroom, everybody else was Ladino as well as in a bilingual classroom. So I had to whether

00:04:05.120 - 00:04:16.970

the mean to be Dominican and that's sort of what I think I got that from my elementary and middle school years. How did your family dynamics

00:04:16.970 - 00:04:26.300

to your communities? I guess you to write your communities. My family's really fascinating. I think I love my family.

00:04:26.300 - 00:04:37.100

My family is very large. My father is one of 36 siblings. My mother is one of 12. So I grew up surrounded by people and people

00:04:37.100 - 00:04:44.000

that I considered close because there were relatives. He wasn't just friends. Considering that had that

00:04:44.000 - 00:04:52.160

many aunts and uncles. Imagine how many more cousins I had it I was always surrounded by people that I felt loved by and, and so on.

00:04:52.160 - 00:04:59.780

But at the same time we were different in the sense that it indifference separate because my mom was Pentecostal,

00:04:59.780 - 00:05:09.440

whereas the rest of our family, with very few exceptions, were Catholic. And so we were very separate in that sense. And so and my family dynamics surrounded

00:05:09.440 - 00:05:16.210

around that about going to church almost daily, very actively participating there and also seen my mother,

00:05:16.210 - 00:05:26.250

who was a very independent and creative woman, very different than the rest of her siblings. Then the rest of her sisters in

00:05:26.250 - 00:05:36.020

different than my, my dad's sisters. So that definitely shaped the way that I see the world. From her perspective. We've a

00:05:36.020 - 00:05:43.250

very conservative in many ways, but also very daring. So it's almost nothing go together. A mom was willing to push

00:05:43.250 - 00:05:51.350

the envelope anywhere as long as she wasn't breaking the rules of the church. And so she kept us going and she she introduced us

00:05:51.350 - 00:05:58.220

to many different things. I felt less. We remember that to be respectful of garden. And the things that, that

00:05:58.220 - 00:06:07.310

the moral value said that they held. My dad was not Pentecostal. God what I consider somebody with a very strong moral compass

00:06:07.310 - 00:06:16.400

and so she may sure and watch is why he said that whatever I do, I'm happy with my behavior. And so that in

00:06:16.400 - 00:06:23.900

all situations I really felt he's making the best decision that he knows how to make. And that creates a strong sense of trust

00:06:23.900 - 00:06:31.910

in the people that I'm supposed to trust, which has my parents. I knew they had a moral value. I didn't know with moral compass

00:06:31.910 - 00:06:38.540

in value, strong values. I didn't always agree with them. Wow, what they wanted from me, particularly after we moved in.

00:06:38.540 - 00:06:47.290

So this is where the community shift really created an issue for me. When we moved, our pre-adolescent has 12,

00:06:47.290 - 00:06:54.710

I guess that's adolescence now. But becoming a teenager in the United States when your parents don't even know

00:06:54.710 - 00:06:59.120

the culture yet haven't been exposed to the culture, is one of the most challenging things possible.

00:06:59.120 - 00:07:07.590

Not only am I learning about a new culture, which I have to participate in, but at the same time, I had, is the stage where I'm supposed to figure out

00:07:07.590 - 00:07:13.820

who I am separate from them. And so everything that I could find that was separate from them was very American.

00:07:13.820 - 00:07:21.320

And so they definitely did not like that part. But at the same time they didn't discourage. They just were encouraged

00:07:21.320 - 00:07:29.540

me to be very cautious with it. And they kept tight reins on me, particularly because in New York City, they picked a really,

00:07:29.540 - 00:07:37.100

I feel a really good school, a really good neighborhood in contrast to other areas of the city. But no place in New York City's

00:07:37.100 - 00:07:51.110

without social difficulties as far as drugs in danger and guns and weapons and crime and all those things.

00:07:51.110 - 00:07:57.910

So there were a concern, of course, very concerned. I'm concerned that we do not hang out with the wrong crowd.

00:07:57.910 - 00:08:08.360

Right? At the same time, it was as good a place as they could have found for us in that community was very different,

00:08:08.360 - 00:08:16.660

very different from us. I would say that most of my classmates did not come from intact families.

00:08:16.660 - 00:08:28.490

Most of my classmates did not have parents, were people had received a college education. I was very different. And I knew that in the expectations

00:08:28.490 - 00:08:36.530

for me from my parents were completely different in very soon from my parents interactions with the school system and my teachers.

00:08:36.530 - 00:08:43.760

The expectation from my teachers were very different than the expectations they had four my classmates. And that was, that was obvious to me.

00:08:43.760 - 00:08:49.160

I knew that I wasn't going to get a new brake power through. Nobody's going to say okay, so you gotta see no.

00:08:49.160 - 00:08:57.510

It was like we're calling your mother, you got to see what's the matter. And and so that was different. At the same time.

00:08:57.510 - 00:09:08.660

Again, been very young for my class, I was 12-years-old into eighth grade. In the same classroom. Those are girl who was 15 and had

00:09:08.660 - 00:09:15.770

had a child a year before. I was 12-years-old. I was still playing with dolls in and so how can I be in

00:09:15.770 - 00:09:23.750

the same car when I play this, this social game that I was expected to participate in, it was very, very challenging.

00:09:23.750 - 00:09:33.590

I was isolated for a big chunk of time. We made me have to become very observant. Before I would jump in. I would say that he created anxiety in

00:09:33.590 - 00:09:41.810

me that I can vividly recall. But overall, he made me stronger and he made me sort of a chameleon.

00:09:41.810 - 00:09:52.130

I can jump in anywhere and fit and I feel like I fit in. How did how did she react to your community? You say you talked about

00:09:52.130 - 00:10:02.220

the strong moral compass that your mother and your father. You feel like the only integer family with AS receptive at NIH initially,

00:10:02.220 - 00:10:09.740

I would say that my father had very clear cut rules as they did my mother about where we were and weren't

00:10:09.740 - 00:10:15.080

allowed to be and who we could and couldn't hang out with. And things like that in that created a lot of stress,

00:10:15.080 - 00:10:23.180

the noise and in recent men and me because why did you move me here if you didn't want me to be part of this, that's not fair.

00:10:23.180 - 00:10:30.500

The biggest challenge actually came when I was in high school because all of a sudden people were doing

00:10:30.500 - 00:10:35.750

things that I want it to do. I wanted to be part of the group and go shopping and all this stuff. I'm like, Oh, you're not getting on

00:10:35.750 - 00:10:46.340

a train downtown without meat. No way. But they embrace certain things about the culture. And one of the things my mom said is

00:10:46.340 - 00:10:52.730

there are plenty of opportunities here that we will support you in those or not it. So find something else.

00:10:52.730 - 00:11:02.000

And I remember volunteering and my dad would walk me too. I was volunteering at a home for the aged elderly people.

00:11:02.000 - 00:11:07.760

On Saturday mornings. My father would walk me every morning. He had no problem with that. She would walk me there and

00:11:07.760 - 00:11:13.790

he encouraged me to continue to do it. That was one way to get out of my house. Should certainly Watson, hanging out with my friends.

00:11:13.790 - 00:11:19.290

I wanted to hang out with my friends sometimes that figure something else out that would allow you if it's school-related, I'll let you.

00:11:19.290 - 00:11:26.370

I joined every club. There was I was part of the currying love the archaeology glove, every glove after school.

00:11:26.370 - 00:11:33.630

But because I want there to be with peers, but I knew that they weren't boundaries around and limits around what they would support me in.

00:11:33.630 - 00:11:44.930

The debate team. Couldn't student government, leadership club, everything they had, I joined in inmate for

00:11:44.930 - 00:11:53.840

really excellent opportunities that I would've never been able to even imagine. One of the most significant things

00:11:53.840 - 00:12:00.120

that I came in contact with there, which I'm very passionate about and actually is very much part of my life here in Delaware.

00:12:00.120 - 00:12:08.780

It was as Peter. That's how I discover as Peter. And they were having a student club. I said, I'm there, you know,

00:12:08.780 - 00:12:15.020

so they let the North and my friends we are going to be there. So I'm there. And as Peter became the ASPE,

00:12:15.020 - 00:12:20.500

does she very much who I was up until that point, I certainly didn't see myself in a leadership role.

00:12:20.500 - 00:12:25.970

I saw myself as an academe, as an academic like, you know, I'm going to, I'm going to do well in school.

00:12:25.970 - 00:12:35.070

I am going to have a career, I'm going to have a job and keep our head down and do my thing. And it was through SBIR that I discover.

00:12:35.070 - 00:12:41.300

It's not just about you doing your thing, it's about helping others do their thing, making sure they get to do it. Because here there were people who

00:12:41.300 - 00:12:48.800

were good students in school who had graduated college and decided to come back and help others do the same thing. And I said, Well, ultimately

00:12:48.800 - 00:12:54.860

that's going to be my role. But in one of the things we learn through the leadership program there was that I didn't have to wait

00:12:54.860 - 00:12:59.850

until I was graduated and there was something I could contribute to my community. Now.

00:12:59.850 - 00:13:12.050

And at the age of 15, 16, 17, That's a huge thing to feel that I'm strong enough and have enough already in me to help somebody else.

00:13:12.050 - 00:13:19.730

That definitely shaped who I was. And again, if might maybe if my parents would have said go ahead, do whatever you want or yeah, sure.

00:13:19.730 - 00:13:26.240

I go over to a friend's house. I probably would not have join all those clubs. Who wants to spend 10 hours a day in school?

00:13:26.240 - 00:13:36.180

Those but that's the one that was my only outlet. They definitely were very resistant to that. And then when I when I applied to colleges,

00:13:36.180 - 00:13:43.010

I was valedictorian of my high school. So there was again, high expectations have our away I would go and so

00:13:43.010 - 00:13:48.890

everybody was invested in may go into an Ivy League. Well, there's only one in New York City, it's Colombia.

00:13:48.890 - 00:13:55.340

So all the other applications were out-of-state. And my mother said, oh, no way, no way, you're not leaving

00:13:55.340 - 00:14:05.050

my house until you get married. And they said What? I don't want to get into areas that no, I don't want you to get married.

00:14:05.050 - 00:14:12.210

You just now going to leave my house until you're married, but I want you to finish college here. So bladder, Colombia and

00:14:12.210 - 00:14:20.110

other local colleges, and that's fine. This isn't about, you know, valedictorians don't go to community college. That's not fair.

00:14:20.110 - 00:14:36.710

I would say that that was the toughest that we've had to battle. Because she knew that I was right. And I knew that she was right to be afraid.

00:14:36.710 - 00:14:44.380

And so here we had to we were on really shaky ground, knew that anything I said could hurt or anything.

00:14:44.380 - 00:14:54.050

She knew that any decision she made could impact my life long-term. And so we had to be very careful and we had good support in school.

00:14:54.050 - 00:15:08.900

My counselors, yes, Peter, coach, and a church or pasture was fantastic. He was really good advice for to my mother, to me, really helped us negotiate.

00:15:08.900 - 00:15:16.530

In fact, I went to my first year, I went to UPenn, silly. And it was one. My pastor arranged for one of

00:15:16.530 - 00:15:27.140

our church members who had a daughter who lived here to bring me and mom to give us a tour of the campus. And so they brought me,

00:15:27.140 - 00:15:33.070

it was my church who wrote me. And they were going to be in I think that that mean my mother feel safer like okay,

00:15:33.070 - 00:15:39.770

if my pastors endorsing this and they are going to be people surrounding us. And Apache measure, I had a church nearby before I even came.

00:15:39.770 - 00:15:44.990

So it was about making sure that I will still protected. We just had to play it very different than everybody else was

00:15:44.990 - 00:15:54.770

playing it. It wasn't us. Okay. We'll go school shopping, send you off to your dorm and use. It took a lot, a lot of energy,

00:15:54.770 - 00:16:02.130

a lot of planning, a lot of people. And I think the best when my community has always been about so our people,

00:16:02.130 - 00:16:19.030

I grew up with a lot of people. I left my people, that I found new people. And that's who I am. How is your identity influence

00:16:19.030 - 00:16:30.340

your experiences in higher education? Once I got there, oh boy, that was the shock of my life. Once I got there, I was like, Oh my God,

00:16:30.340 - 00:16:39.090

there are so many people here have heard where do I start? The really funny thing, I still remember my wife, freshman, roommates.

00:16:39.090 - 00:16:51.570

It was a Swede. We had a suite. There were four of us. There was a young lady from New Jersey, Caucasian, middle class.

00:16:51.570 - 00:16:58.940

And she walked in and she said, are huge Aida, that's my given name. And I said yes, you say, Oh, thank God, I thought you were going to be a

00:16:58.940 - 00:17:07.700

big Puerto Rican woman who was going to beat me up. Here. Actually, I came in very open and receptive and people

00:17:07.700 - 00:17:17.210

had been afraid of who I was going to be. So they were very embracing me and who I, who I was in. But at the same time also different.

00:17:17.210 - 00:17:28.300

So I remember things like spring break. Everybody already was traveling to Cancun and tau y and whatever else people go in Florida.

00:17:28.300 - 00:17:34.820

And my mother who had difficulty letting me go from Florida, from New York to Philadelphia, was certainly not going to agree to

00:17:34.820 - 00:17:43.570

anything or having come home right now. So I had to separate myself. Again. I couldn't go to the virus.

00:17:43.570 - 00:17:50.300

I wasn't even a team yet. So even the bars that we lead in the students, I couldn't get in. Now that that would've been

00:17:50.300 - 00:17:58.570

a good place for me. But that certainly, again, I was very isolated initially. But again, I had to find their community.

00:17:58.570 - 00:18:06.300

And so I did there were plenty of other people. I was in computer science at the time. I was not a psychology major.

00:18:06.300 - 00:18:12.740

I believe them I really good math grades and logical skills. Who wear one? We're going to wear

00:18:12.740 - 00:18:18.410

my strengthened I should play to that. So I found the field of computer science very fascinating and went into that.

00:18:18.410 - 00:18:25.520

But although it created a really strong community of other people who really love computers, I realized very quickly, I'm

00:18:25.520 - 00:18:31.680

a people person and these are computer people, their machine people. They preferred to be interacting with machines and with each other.

00:18:31.680 - 00:18:43.490

And I felt very lonely, but I did have friends. But he wasn't a happy place for me. My first year at our despite having friends,

00:18:43.490 - 00:18:53.090

he wasn't he wasn't really happy place. So I transferred and I went to Miami University in Ohio. Excellent score that, wow,

00:18:53.090 - 00:19:02.360

what a culture shock. I think I was probably the only non-white person in most of my classes,

00:19:02.360 - 00:19:12.440

at least made during my first couple of undergraduate years. However, they had a local campus, that was a commuter campus.

00:19:12.440 - 00:19:18.890

And so that group of peoples, interestingly enough, was so much more embracing of diversity because he was

00:19:18.890 - 00:19:24.530

such a diverse group. There were older people who were there who were going back for a second for a second time,

00:19:24.530 - 00:19:30.880

there were people with what I will say, I will turn in the lives of the people who didn't just follow this pattern.

00:19:30.880 - 00:19:36.840

And so they were much more ready to listen to my story and want to become part of that. So I made lots of friends that way.

00:19:36.840 - 00:19:43.040

And then quickly jump right back into what I had always done, which was, alright, how do I make a difference?

00:19:43.040 - 00:19:51.770

Where can I be helpful? Where can I be used to working my knowledge? They help somebody else emit a young lady in one of

00:19:51.770 - 00:19:59.540

my intro to psych classes. And while I was still trying to decide also, that was initially a sociology major and I wanted to do a double

00:19:59.540 - 00:20:05.950

major in psych and social. That's when I transferred. When I transferred, I changed my major and

00:20:05.950 - 00:20:13.520

Paola quickly became my best friend. And we both said, you know, there are other people like us and we just don't

00:20:13.520 - 00:20:20.060

know where to find them is to be a campus. How do we find these people? And she said, Well, there used to be

00:20:20.060 - 00:20:29.220

Latin American Association before, but it kind of fizzled out and we have no funds. We went to the student.

00:20:29.220 - 00:20:36.320

This is the office of student affairs and ask are there any funds for these residents and know you depleted

00:20:36.320 - 00:20:44.210

all funds and you having I don't know if you knew and we can get you anything more for another six months. We had to wait until the end

00:20:44.210 - 00:20:52.920

of the fiscal year. And we said, okay, what can you give us? He said, We can give you free photocopy. So I said, okay, we can work with that.

00:20:52.920 - 00:21:02.470

We just have to find free venues, places like the library where we're going to me or classrooms that are accessible to us and go with that.

00:21:02.470 - 00:21:07.460

And sure enough, it was all on foot. We just would find people that you look like, you know, here you go.

00:21:07.460 - 00:21:11.690

Do you know anybody? Nothing. We would pass out flyers and say, we're going to be here, we're going to be here.

00:21:11.690 - 00:21:16.950

That was how I became involved in my campus again. And so all of a sudden I didn't feel so alone.

00:21:16.950 - 00:21:25.370

There were, I found people like me in the Latin American Association became more than just Hispanics. He became Brazilians in

00:21:25.370 - 00:21:36.050

people who were of Latin in studying Latin American Studies and Spanish majors. In that grew from a small group of students

00:21:36.050 - 00:21:47.690

to including teachers who wanted to be a part of this. We would have searched be Julius at one of the two the residence

00:21:47.690 - 00:21:53.360

halls where we could have dinner with the teachers and the TD. The professors would come and speak Spanish the entire time.

00:21:53.360 - 00:22:02.150

And so everybody was thinking that's minus 1 third v there. And so we grew these huge community. In the following year.

00:22:02.150 - 00:22:14.000

We got signs and we could throw parties and we could do activities in. So my identity then shift again from Benin, Dominican, and then I will say Luthien.

00:22:14.000 - 00:22:19.460

That's what I became a Latina. Up until then I was Dominican. Anybody would ask me, what are you going again?

00:22:19.460 - 00:22:30.140

And that's when I became Athena. So definitely a higher ed was who was very central in helping me become y.

00:22:30.140 - 00:22:37.820

If y was right. Again, all these people that were part of my life back then, just they shake me.

00:22:37.820 - 00:22:46.970

They made me feel that by being by knowing their mouth a better person, I could become a better person. That was something I could take from them.

00:22:46.970 - 00:22:51.590

And bowel, that's one of those people that I will never forget because she was the one who said, no, we gotta do something.

00:22:51.590 - 00:23:01.370

There are other people like us. I've been looking for somebody who looks like me in and we found each other in that class. And it's interesting because I

00:23:01.370 - 00:23:13.430

feel that the reason I went into this field, this is because I wanted other people in the field to see people who look like me. I wanted for children

00:23:13.430 - 00:23:20.600

who needed a therapist and they're Latinos to have the opportunity to see somebody that looks like that they feel

00:23:20.600 - 00:23:30.260

you can understand my experience, you can understand how I feel because you look like me. And I think that's important because

00:23:30.260 - 00:23:38.300

looking like somebody is not just about the physical appearance. Looking like somebody is our mannerisms. It's the way we talk is the way

00:23:38.300 - 00:23:43.070

we interact with each other is the fact that I stand closer to people when I talk to them. It's a fact that I touch

00:23:43.070 - 00:23:49.230

people when I talk to them, even though that's not common in the American culture, I look like them.

00:23:49.230 - 00:24:04.600

And that makes them feel more at ease. And so that's kinda why I went into this, is how and where your your graduate school experiences, your time.

00:24:04.600 - 00:24:13.700

You're saying that you wanted to you wanted to represent yes. Your higher education. So how are your experiences

00:24:13.700 - 00:24:20.660

much moved past undergrad. You are seeing less and less people like that. Not like, Yeah, that was a tough one.

00:24:20.660 - 00:24:34.880

Picking a graduate school. My advisor. I did my graduate adviser. She is an incredible woman. Dr. Karen mainland shilling.

00:24:34.880 - 00:24:43.160

And I asked during my senior year if I could serve choose the teacher had never actually take a professor.

00:24:43.160 - 00:24:49.940

She never, I never taken a class with her. But I knew she was doing a study and she was doing research. And I had done research already

00:24:49.940 - 00:24:56.780

with social psych professors. I had done research with a developmental psych professor. I had done sociology research on

00:24:56.780 - 00:25:03.620

social class and social theory and criminology. And I just, I said, it all feels good, but I need to find something where I

00:25:03.620 - 00:25:09.980

really feel like I fit into our brushes. I'll try one more year. Let's do that. I went to her and I said, Can I be part of your research project?

00:25:09.980 - 00:25:14.390

And she said Why? I said because this is something that I might be interested in and I need

00:25:14.390 - 00:25:23.780

to know before I leave. And she said, Are you going to work hard at it? And I said, Yeah. And I was one of three undergraduates and

00:25:23.780 - 00:25:34.190

graduate students who were in her, in her research team. And he was on, he was actually on academic learning,

00:25:34.190 - 00:25:42.240

the way that undergraduates learn. And it was all mostly qualitative research. This was something I had not been exposed to it yet.

00:25:42.550 - 00:25:52.730

Very interesting, Very interesting. And as I went to apply to college, to graduate school, I said, I miss my family. Again. It was I want my people.

00:25:52.730 - 00:25:56.840

I was like all my friends for graduating as well. I knew they weren't going to stick around. I was going to have to find

00:25:56.840 - 00:26:02.150

a whole new set of friends. I graduate programs were not the most diverse programs. And you went to graduate

00:26:02.150 - 00:26:08.960

school meeting in there. We're not going to be very many non-white faces there. And so I said,

00:26:08.960 - 00:26:15.830

maybe I'll just go back to New York. So I applied only to schools in New York City, which was tough because my,

00:26:15.830 - 00:26:22.480

my husband now, he was my boyfriend at the time. He lived in Ohio and he had grown up in Ohio and he said, You're leaving.

00:26:22.480 - 00:26:28.820

And I said, yup, bye. No, it's not forever. I mean, if we decide to get married, we can get married and you can

00:26:28.820 - 00:26:34.910

move and will be fine. And she said, Oh, you're now going to come back. There's no way you're not coming

00:26:34.910 - 00:26:40.710

back if you go back to New York City. But I went to Dr. Schilling without on my application is completed and everything.

00:26:40.710 - 00:26:49.250

And I said I need a letter of recommendation. Would you please give me one? And she said of course, and she lived through all the recommendation,

00:26:49.250 - 00:26:56.450

the forums and everything. And she said, I don't see one for Miami. And I said, Well, you don't take your on undergraduates.

00:26:56.450 - 00:27:00.680

Never. That doesn't happen. This program does not take it on undergraduate except

00:27:00.680 - 00:27:05.510

the Social Psychology Program had offered me that. They said If you want to go into social psych and will

00:27:05.510 - 00:27:14.780

take you and I said No, no social psych exam. I think I need one-on-one with people in it. When Karen said that, I said I don't know,

00:27:14.780 - 00:27:23.450

I haven't even given it a thought. And she said I wanted here by tomorrow. And then I'll give you your other letters. I stub on my way out and picked up

00:27:23.450 - 00:27:29.510

a graduate school application for this program and I fill it out, it wasn't that complicated. The essays are very similar

00:27:29.510 - 00:27:36.590

to the SS had already written. And then I came back the next day and I gave it to her. And that was it. And then Nino

00:27:36.590 - 00:27:47.120

in I got a letter saying that I was accepted. And I said, Okay, what do I do now? And so I went and I talk. Dr. Pattern Knight, who was

00:27:47.120 - 00:27:53.580

the director of the program with the graduate program at the time. And so what do I do? How do I decide? And he said If you want to do CRS

00:27:53.580 - 00:28:02.210

and tuition is weight. And I said to my to my mom and dad, I said, I think this isn't it. Have to do this.

00:28:02.210 - 00:28:09.650

And they said, Okay, we're not happy and I finally get married and everything. And so we got married that year

00:28:09.650 - 00:28:18.770

and I sat a school there. And so how does this influence me? Again, I chose this program, but the entire time I knew,

00:28:18.770 - 00:28:26.290

I have not heard anything of our culture and psychology the entire time I've been in this undergraduate program. What is this going to mean?

00:28:26.290 - 00:28:34.610

Well, this is where I became a champion of culture and psychology. That was my role. And I remember my fellow graduate students or

00:28:34.610 - 00:28:41.930

it would get into these lively debasing gyri. It's not always about culture. I said I know, but sometimes it is and you never talk about it.

00:28:41.930 - 00:28:48.230

I know, I get it. It's not always about culture, culture. Sometimes this really psychopathology is just chemicals in your brain,

00:28:48.230 - 00:28:55.010

but you know what chemicals in your brain are impacted by what you eat where you grew up? All the medication that you take, which sometimes

00:28:55.010 - 00:29:01.520

comes from a different country because that's what they take over there. And so it's all those things that I was always fighting.

00:29:01.520 - 00:29:12.800

And then the reality that the therapist client relationship is unlike any other. We don't have the sacral relationship.

00:29:12.800 - 00:29:19.370

That's not a normal relationship where you only share things one way or the other person is entirely there for yield enough for them.

00:29:19.370 - 00:29:28.400

They have no investment other than doing their job. And the fact that that's not a part of our culture.

00:29:28.400 - 00:29:34.760

I come from a collective culture where everything that we do has to be positive, not just for us but for the collective.

00:29:34.760 - 00:29:46.220

He doesn't happen. It's not healthy if what my needs are, take over. The needs of the collective of the family, number one in the community.

00:29:46.220 - 00:29:54.920

And so I really pushed and I said add some of this, this doesn't fit with me. And in Karen was

00:29:54.920 - 00:30:04.340

fantastic and encouraging me. Again, very strong background for her in women's studies. She was very, very

00:30:04.340 - 00:30:11.870

encouraging of me to say what I had to say and to become active in making sure that the program would change.

00:30:11.870 - 00:30:17.740

And she said, If you can help us recruit professors, who can help us recruit other students, shouldn't.

00:30:17.740 - 00:30:24.380

The program paid for speakers that I was interested in to come to the program in present on things that I felt

00:30:24.380 - 00:30:32.780

were important for the graduate students to know. And more importantly, they allowed me a huge break out of the program

00:30:32.780 - 00:30:39.500

so that I could go do my own thing. They there was a school based mental health program that included

00:30:39.500 - 00:30:45.810

only the schools and local schools. And I said, I don't want that score. I've been volunteering in my spare time through graduate school,

00:30:45.810 - 00:30:55.320

mentoring and tutoring children in the nearby town who are Spanish-speaking and also volunteer and to interpret for doing parent-teacher nights.

00:30:55.320 - 00:31:01.370

They said talk to the principal. She says, okay, we'll include that school and you can go there. And that was my placement,

00:31:01.370 - 00:31:09.280

my first placement for two years. I volunteered. That was my placement. They allowed it. They created it out of the blue just for me.

00:31:09.280 - 00:31:16.680

My master thesis, they allow me to go to New York and collect my data there for the summer. So they have been,

00:31:16.680 - 00:31:22.820

they will show excellent in that understanding that. And then the, the greatest treat, the greatest street was

00:31:22.820 - 00:31:33.370

that all my pushing for culture and psychology came true in the form of a class for undergraduates in culture and psychology.

00:31:33.370 - 00:31:38.900

And they gave me the honor of teaching the very first session. As a graduate student. They said you develop the curriculum,

00:31:38.900 - 00:31:45.830

you go for it, it's yours. And so what a treat that I was able to get that before I left graduate school.

00:31:45.830 - 00:32:00.950

It's the most excellent experience. Right? So so how did you how did you then come to Delaware? Delaware? Well, unfortunately,

00:32:00.950 - 00:32:09.770

all good things come to an end. And the happy little world they'll graduate school had to end. The last piece was

00:32:09.770 - 00:32:16.760

internship in I knew again that I wanted to work with Latinos. The only places that would guarantee me work with Latinos as

00:32:16.760 - 00:32:27.980

a major rotation where West Coast, East Coast or Florida. And so with my parents living here in me having to very young children,

00:32:27.980 - 00:32:38.030

I knew that internship was going to be very time intensive. And so I came to New York for internship and I interned at

00:32:38.030 - 00:32:46.760

Lincoln Hospital in the South Bronx. Which funny enough, What's my hospital when I was growing up and I place there, it was incredible.

00:32:46.760 - 00:32:55.190

It was an immediate match. I walked in there. The interview felt right. The people who interviewed me were wonderful. I fit, I fit so well.

00:32:55.190 - 00:33:04.340

And I was so glad when I was matched to that program. Excellent experience. However, Watson yet license in.

00:33:04.340 - 00:33:13.650

They do not have a position for me. They wanted to keep me, but they didn't have a position for an unlicensed person. When I finished and I had to find a job.

00:33:13.650 - 00:33:22.190

Additionally, my son had been tested for the gifted program in New York City. And although highly gifted, where you're only has

00:33:22.190 - 00:33:28.940

so many programs and so many children. She did not she was in place because he wasn't high enough on that list percentage-wise.

00:33:28.940 - 00:33:36.020

So I said I need to find somewhere where he can be better off. But I didn't want to be too far away from my parents and

00:33:36.020 - 00:33:42.710

my husband again being from Ohio Those two years he spent in New York. Very difficult on him. He just he felt like, Oh my God,

00:33:42.710 - 00:33:47.870

there's nothing green around here and where do I go and what do I do? And I wanted it to be a happy place for everybody.

00:33:47.870 - 00:33:52.940

So I said, let me explore. And again, I had friends around here because I went to my first year was said UPenn.

00:33:52.940 - 00:34:00.640

So we visited a few friends and he loved it here. So I said, well, let's let's try it. I started sending out job applications

00:34:00.640 - 00:34:08.120

about three months before I we moved. I had two job offers within a month of sending our job applications. And I said, Well, definitely, I

00:34:08.120 - 00:34:14.370

know I can find the job there. So let's go in. I interviewed for the position that I'm in now.

00:34:14.370 - 00:34:20.300

About two weeks after I moved here, I hadn't even unpack my bosses. I didn't have anything. I was like, I don't even know where my transcripts are.

00:34:20.300 - 00:34:25.220

They want that all these stuff, like everything is still in the box. My children didn't have daycare yet. I had to ask one of my friends, can you

00:34:25.220 - 00:34:33.590

stay home for today so that I can go interview and watch my children. Jared was placed in a in a gifted program immediately

00:34:33.590 - 00:34:42.440

that was very important to us. And we had to find a good place for delaying to start preschool. And so once we got all those things out of

00:34:42.440 - 00:34:52.730

the way there because they want to transfer his job over here. But what was most important to us was again, now we had to find and build community.

00:34:52.730 - 00:34:58.610

It again, we will, we left our community behind and I've been very nomadic, I feel all my life, but that has forced

00:34:58.610 - 00:35:05.510

me to learn how to build communities in a, in a different sort of ways to get creative with it. And also I've taught my children

00:35:05.510 - 00:35:11.810

that it's not about it's horrible and in his terrible to have to leave the people you love behind.

00:35:11.810 - 00:35:16.580

But it doesn't mean that they are in other people, Wonderful people, or you can meet along the way whenever you get there,

00:35:16.580 - 00:35:22.700

you just have to find it and figure out who it is. So you have to become very discerning. The person who hired me for

00:35:22.700 - 00:35:31.250

the program where I'm in its left about six months after I was hired to work at a place here in Delaware. I'm actually working in Canada Square,

00:35:31.250 - 00:35:39.130

pennsylvania. That he was coming to work in Delaware. There he met a student commentary writer

00:35:39.130 - 00:35:51.830

who wonderful woman, very smart, happens to be the wife of doctor. I'm actually better. And they are the ones

00:35:51.830 - 00:35:59.110

who started a speed of Delaware. Well, he said to her, You gotta talk to this young lady. She's wonderful.

00:35:59.110 - 00:36:06.500

She worse in this office in Kenya square, she can definitely be a help to you. Nothing about I speed up just about working with Latinos and stuff.

00:36:06.500 - 00:36:12.620

She was a student who was doing her first placement. We exchange phone numbers and he said Rick Rick owner,

00:36:12.620 - 00:36:18.440

he said, give her a call, judged you will love her. And I called her and we spent hours on the phone and

00:36:18.440 - 00:36:27.650

eventually she said voodoo about a spider. And I said Yes, I mean, sb done day. And she said, Oh, you have to come to our graduation party and

00:36:27.650 - 00:36:34.310

she invited me to this graduation party that was about to happen in May. And I went and I met them and it was so wonderful.

00:36:34.310 - 00:36:40.100

And I said I would love to volunteer. So again, this was an instant community because all of a sudden all the coaches,

00:36:40.100 - 00:36:47.850

everybody who was working so hard towards as Peter, Yeah, making these grow became part of my life almost immediately.

00:36:47.850 - 00:36:54.220

And what a wonderful way to teach my children this, for them to be included and be part of this and see me doing this.

00:36:54.220 - 00:37:01.730

They need to give back to their community. And so I'm involved with Latinos everywhere. But it's more than just about Latinos is I try to make

00:37:01.730 - 00:37:07.040

my presence known everywhere. I volunteer a lot. And I think that because of that, when we do that will

00:37:07.040 - 00:37:12.850

become part of the community. Because whenever I go in there, whenever you go somewhere and you're willing to give something for nothing in return,

00:37:12.850 - 00:37:21.170

people will embrace you so much more readily. And so they like if they paid you, they give you starve, invite you over the worthy Vardy, stuff like that.

00:37:21.170 - 00:37:28.190

So I think that that's that's how I ended up in Delaware. Definitely nothing that I had even even for me,

00:37:28.190 - 00:37:33.950

I thought that it would happen. But we knew that there were a lot of opportunities here, that it was a growing there was

00:37:33.950 - 00:37:42.310

a growing Hispanic population in the state. That there were needs for people who were highly educated and could contribute to the community.

00:37:42.310 - 00:37:49.880

And also there were universities nearby because that would ultimately like to teach. At some point again, I think that culture and psychology is very

00:37:49.880 - 00:37:56.060

important is not the only topic. I think developmental psychology with a focus on children who are minorities and I just Hispanic but

00:37:56.060 - 00:38:03.650

minorities. Very different field. And I think that it needs to be introduced more than just as a chapter in a psych course.

00:38:03.650 - 00:38:09.980

He needs to be, needs to be a main curriculum course for the people who are really interested in working with that population.

00:38:09.980 - 00:38:16.580

There is no way I could teach everything I know about young children who are disease, a subsection, subsection.

00:38:16.580 - 00:38:28.460

Young children under the age of 12 who are Hispanic immigrants to first-generation parents who have immigrated within the last five years.

00:38:28.460 - 00:38:38.280

That alone is way more than the chapter. So that's just such a specific subsection. How can I possibly teach about Latino children in one chapter?

00:38:38.470 - 00:38:52.530

That's kind of my golf team.

00:38:53.230 - 00:39:01.730

And an ending point. And any place that you learned, you felt like your identity is isolated you or made you feel actually

00:39:01.730 - 00:39:10.530

rejected from a particular community. I think the only place would have been a UPenn was the only place that I've ever felt that way.

00:39:10.530 - 00:39:19.020

I think in every other way people figured out a way to embrace me. They found something in me that they liked. They found a way to relate to me.

00:39:19.020 - 00:39:25.250

Like I said, when I was in middle school when I first came. Funny thing was there was another Judahite already in the classroom,

00:39:25.250 - 00:39:32.320

so my nickname got taken from me. She was Jadi already. And so I couldn't be Daddy's home. I got I was to highlight that.

00:39:32.320 - 00:39:37.790

So instead of calling media Heidi that I became to hide either all the way through high school, I was dating and people calling me,

00:39:37.790 - 00:39:44.390

just highlight that and I'm like, oh God, don't call me Mike. This is the way I like. Don't call me that another way I like,

00:39:44.390 - 00:39:53.510

but so I don't feel that any that you'd ever happened except for when I was at UPenn and I think it was a combination of things.

00:39:53.510 - 00:39:59.960

Number 1, that I wasn't as acculturated as I am now in that I was placed with people who are very,

00:39:59.960 - 00:40:07.910

very different from me so that we couldn't find the North in common. I'm putting like the same music. We didn't like the same movies.

00:40:07.910 - 00:40:13.570

I didn't know. I knew of a Star Wars when I went to college. Who doesn't know what Star Wars, that's wonderful.

00:40:13.570 - 00:40:19.040

Thank you. I'll start with whatever new Star Wars I gotta crash course. My freshman year.

00:40:19.040 - 00:40:24.580

I was so young, my age was definitely isolate and maybe because there are so many things I could not participate

00:40:24.580 - 00:40:31.820

in, in my field. Also been in computers at the different animals, social people in the world.

00:40:31.820 - 00:40:38.920

I sat next to the same girl for two semesters and she never say hi to me. And I will say next article. Sometimes she's a girl.

00:40:38.920 - 00:40:42.640

She's like the only girl in computer science class. That was it next time and maybe will be conference.

00:40:42.640 - 00:40:50.330

She didn't She was not interested in talking to anybody. That was it. So I think those things will plate.

00:40:50.330 - 00:40:57.350

And also, I mean, I think the social class difference. Even though I grew up upper middle-class and the Dominican Republic and

00:40:57.350 - 00:41:06.440

Motier were working class. In a lot of these children came from upper middle-class homes and end up, you know, upper-class.

00:41:06.440 - 00:41:15.650

And so when you have the prince of so-and-so country in your classroom, It's kind of difficult to relate. So those are the sort of things

00:41:15.650 - 00:41:22.940

that I think kept me isolated. But ever since then, I think I've always found a way to include myself. I'm not one of

00:41:22.940 - 00:41:26.920

those people that is out there in the social scene. I definitely never did that. I was cracking there would be they

00:41:26.920 - 00:41:32.110

going to clubs and stuff like that. That wasn't me. But I always found my niche. I was from a little group of

00:41:32.110 - 00:41:42.020

Milo click of column, different kinds of people. You would find me at a poetry reading. We'd find me ADA, anything

00:41:42.020 - 00:41:49.240

having to do with social activism. I, I did a lot of peaceful protesting when I was in undergrad and those sort of things.

00:41:49.240 - 00:42:07.810

So anything like that you'd find me and those were my people, I guess. Going back to your chest when you touch,

00:42:07.810 - 00:42:18.620

how wonderful they are. How do you think that perhaps are fairly dynamic effect the way that you view child rearing.

00:42:18.620 - 00:42:23.660

Child rearing. That is, I will tell you that I spend more than 70% of my time thinking about this.

00:42:23.660 - 00:42:29.360

Whether we go so my own children or because of the job that I do, I teach people how to raise their children properly,

00:42:29.360 - 00:42:42.680

how to interact with their children in a way that will promote emotional maturity and in also self-esteem, strong self-esteem in so how did that change?

00:42:42.680 - 00:42:52.780

Number 1, realizing that I didn't necessarily I mean, I grew up fine and my parents had very strict rules.

00:42:52.780 - 00:43:00.230

So understanding that children need or boundaries, understanding that children need a consistency.

00:43:00.230 - 00:43:05.750

I think that always like it, but I always know what the answer is going to be. Who would have been way more scary if I didn't know what

00:43:05.750 - 00:43:18.380

the answer was going to be from one time to the other. Consistency that came in ways that did not include things because things are new.

00:43:18.380 - 00:43:24.260

I had to let go of all my things when I moved, we came with one suitcase each. I left my stuff.

00:43:24.260 - 00:43:31.610

So how do what is important? Important was memories, interactions, everything I brought with me. I remember, you know,

00:43:31.610 - 00:43:37.670

what I brought with me was the routine that we had that we can continue. So I needed a routine for my children that will

00:43:37.670 - 00:43:43.550

continue regardless of where we were and when I start erasing them, I was a graduate student. So I knew what was going to be moving around.

00:43:43.550 - 00:43:51.920

So I said I just have to create a routine that I know I can follow regardless of where we are. In. Again, coming from such a large family,

00:43:51.920 - 00:44:00.780

understanding that people were going to be the most important thing. And initially, it was my siblings wearing wearing

00:44:00.780 - 00:44:09.250

undergrad when I was in graduate school, I would shift my schedule around my class schedule so that my children could stay with them instead of a CIDR.

00:44:09.250 - 00:44:15.830

Because I wanted them to be with the people they loved. My children both consider my sister or their mommy.

00:44:15.830 - 00:44:23.840

And she recently had a child and they call him the brother. And that is exactly what I wanted. I wanted them to feel that

00:44:23.840 - 00:44:31.460

you have to be close to the people you love in bringing other people into our lives so that anywhere we've been, my friends are very much part

00:44:31.460 - 00:44:37.270

of my children's life. They are invited to birthday parties, to graduations. They are invited to

00:44:37.270 - 00:44:47.930

two recitals, to basketball games, and it's meaningless into the adult that very meaningful to the child. There are other people

00:44:47.930 - 00:44:52.850

that are interested in. So I knew that if I could create that in them, that will never feel alone

00:44:52.850 - 00:44:59.130

regardless of where we were. So when we moved to New York, I was one of the things I want and my father got to Watch,

00:44:59.130 - 00:45:04.820

stay home with my daughter while I was on internship. How wonderful how many children have the opportunity to have that

00:45:04.820 - 00:45:13.400

relationship with their grandfather? My daughter adores, my father and I that's exactly what I wanted. My children know. They're leaving on

00:45:13.400 - 00:45:18.990

Friday to go spend a week with my mom. They don't even ask where are we going for spring break. They know. And that's what they want.

00:45:18.990 - 00:45:27.110

We went to Florida for Disney this past summer. And what did they want? They want a moment that they see.

00:45:27.110 - 00:45:33.830

They can walk the entire park. They're not they're older. They can is too hot and they wanted them there and that's

00:45:33.830 - 00:45:43.130

what I wanted for them. Additionally, knowing that the best that I could give my children is love, respect, and an open mind.

00:45:43.130 - 00:45:50.790

Just embrace the world and find the best in people in the world around you, even if it's different. This got it.

00:45:50.790 - 00:45:55.100

You have to understand why people do it differently. Not just think that the way that you do it is the only way.

00:45:55.100 - 00:46:04.760

Because if that's the case, then I don't fit in and they won't fit in. And my husband and I could not fit in because he's African-American and

00:46:04.760 - 00:46:18.910

he's culture is very different than mine. And I did not have a sense or an idea about slave mentality, about discrimination. When I came to this country at age 12,

00:46:18.910 - 00:46:30.370

I had never been exposed to this. So my idea in my feeling of oppression had to come from externally way later than

00:46:30.370 - 00:46:37.910

it did for my peers who were African-American or other minorities who grew up here in marrying a man who grew up with

00:46:37.910 - 00:46:44.560

those thoughts in those group grew up like that. It was going to be a challenge. Like you're seeing things that are in there.

00:46:44.560 - 00:46:52.130

You're you're imagining things. And so that was needed. No, no. I'm not imagining if it's there, you just don't see it, but

00:46:52.130 - 00:46:58.940

Alice and looking for it? Absolutely. I was looking for the looks that people gave us. I wasn't looking for the fact that

00:46:58.940 - 00:47:07.730

when I'm out and about with all my friends who are not Hispanic or black, you know, my Caucasian friends. Are they looking at

00:47:07.730 - 00:47:12.950

me and trying to figure out, okay, what's this chick and what is she doing here? The Amazon looking for that.

00:47:12.950 - 00:47:18.800

I just really wasn't paying attention to those little things. Or even the idea that if something didn't go my way,

00:47:18.800 - 00:47:25.370

even consider four chance that it wasn't nothing to do with me in my head and my mind and high percent that myself.

00:47:25.370 - 00:47:33.890

But the way I looked that wouldn't ever crossed my mind, had to learn that. And so again, teaching my children that you have to be open-minded about everything,

00:47:33.890 - 00:47:40.500

even if you don't agree with it in the long run, no judgment. Don't pass judgment on other people for the way that they do things,

00:47:40.500 - 00:47:47.270

the way they choose to do things. Those are the most important things because I want them to be able to fit in without giving up who they

00:47:47.270 - 00:47:53.730

are as they move on in that part of the reason I hyphenated my name. I wanted them to have both identities

00:47:53.730 - 00:48:15.470

and they both have hyphenated names as well. In your community. Over the years. Your lifespan. What cultural norms, social norms change.

00:48:17.850 - 00:48:26.380

Actually that ties very much or something I didn't mentioned in the last question. Because one of the cultural things in my community,

00:48:26.380 - 00:48:34.720

it actually has to do with being a mother. My mother stayed home. Her mother stayed home. The expectation was that

00:48:34.720 - 00:48:42.490

I was going to stay home. But even for my parents when they said that, after they said they were like, That doesn't make sense.

00:48:42.490 - 00:48:47.920

So my dad my mom actually said, You know what? I just think Jared home with me in our eighth him for you.

00:48:47.920 - 00:48:56.100

I think I can be a mom and have a job at the same time. So within that community, That's one of the things that,

00:48:56.100 - 00:49:01.250

that I think has changed a bit which is much more embracing that weren't. We can have the career

00:49:01.250 - 00:49:08.270

and family and in a career at the same time and do it successfully. We're going to do a differently.

00:49:08.270 - 00:49:17.180

So there's a lot of things from on the side, agree with in some ways. But any SAR challenge it, That's one of my struggles

00:49:17.180 - 00:49:23.330

as one of my stresses because I knew who she was as a mom and how involved she was. And there's a lot of me that wants to

00:49:23.330 - 00:49:29.180

be that involved with my children and understanding that I can't always be that involved. They are going to be times when I really

00:49:29.180 - 00:49:36.030

can sometimes when I can't tell. Yeah. There are times when I cannot attend the field trip today, right. And then filter it.

00:49:36.030 - 00:49:41.970

And yeah, I would love to be there, but they were too many other things that needed to be done. Is he going to be okay?

00:49:41.970 - 00:49:46.670

Absolutely, He's going to be fine. Um, I volunteer for the next field trip. You bet. I can go to

00:49:46.670 - 00:49:54.830

everyone even though I wish I could, I can now be the classroom mom. But anytime that they say Can you send something in your house and something?

00:49:54.830 - 00:50:01.220

And so I just have to participate differently. And we have again, a routine. So things that we do consistently,

00:50:01.220 - 00:50:08.570

we always go to Field Day. I was blocked, feel they out to I'm going to be there. Uh, we always go to recitals.

00:50:08.570 - 00:50:17.480

There are certain things that they know we will definitely be present for. And they also know that any data they have off of school that I'll take off.

00:50:17.480 - 00:50:24.440

So we can go do something fine. They can museum or or sometimes just stay home and probably had this nowadays as we're fine.

00:50:24.440 - 00:50:35.480

So that's one thing. The other thing I think is the acceptance of the interracial marriages. I think it's nasa

00:50:35.480 - 00:50:44.080

weird anymore that I married outside of my race. I know that I was the first one of my friends to do so.

00:50:44.080 - 00:50:54.890

But there's plenty of them that have married people who were outside of the Race since then. And I think that

00:50:54.890 - 00:50:59.750

it's funny because mom used to say, Don't worry me hear somebody that doesn't speak Spanish, then I can talk to them.

00:50:59.750 - 00:51:07.280

And I think, oops. Let's say that, well, I mean, they are not falling this college that big space.

00:51:07.280 - 00:51:16.190

By the reality was that once Derek became part of my family, he learned Spanish. And again, Spanish is something that you can

00:51:16.190 - 00:51:20.510

learn in the culture is something that you can learn if you're open to it. So I think those boundaries

00:51:20.510 - 00:51:28.700

have become less rigid. Anytime, just see my family again, I've seen it just generally in the Latin American communities.

00:51:28.700 - 00:51:31.710

It's a little more open to that.